Neurosis of a Yeller Belly: 2011

OK, so, there is a reason why I, once-upon-a-time, decided not to watch real life interviews with actors playing in TV shows I lurved. But, I got blind-sided. I went into a fan-girl tailspin over a new sci-fi Canadian show called Lost Girl about a bi-sexual succubus (played by Anna Silk) coming to terms with her identity, looking for love, and kicking demon ass. (Who wouldn't love that?!) While it hasn't aired in the U.S., it is already half-way through its second season in Canada. Which means, thanks to the joyful tear-inducing miracle that is the internet machine, I've been able to gorge myself on 23 (and counting) episodes of Succubusty glory. (Side note: write your Congressman and urge them to vote against the Stop Online Piracy Act) Having exhausted those, I moved on to YouTube videos of the actors, and as Julia Robert's would say, Big Mistake. Huge.

So, what's the big deal, you ask? Some super nice Canadian (isn't that redundant) actors sitting around being genial and trying to get people to watch their fantasy series about a society of super-human beings called the Fae (“Genus, not species”) comprised of, among other things, shifters, brownies, sirens--and those are just the ones you might've heard of...and that I could spell. But the thing is, I heard about this show through the lesbian not-so-underground (get the AfterEllen 411 on Lost Girl here). It has a growing lesbian following due to the relationship of the aforementioned succubus, Bo, to her human doctor, Lauren (played by Zoie Palmer). (You don't even have to use your subtext-y powers on this show! It's all right there getting jiggy in your face. Sooo awesome...) So during these press junket-y things the issue of sexuality was bound to come up in the questioning, but for some reason, I was left having post-traumatic stress flash-backs to the Lucy Lawless/Xena Warrior Princess press tour when she was still insisting that Xena and Gabrielle were not lesbians (insert groaning, eye-rolling, oh-puh-leeze here). OK, so it wasn’t quite as bad as that, but…

During the Fan Expo panel with the series regulars, an audience member asked the group as a whole to expound a bit on the sexuality of characters that haven't been explored as much. We get that Bo is bi-sexual, or omni-sexual (I think really she's in Margaret Cho's I'm-just-slutty- where's-my-parade club.), but what's up with the other people? So, this fan asked a meandering rather than pointed question which no one exactly understood (because we live in a hetero-normative society and it should be assumed that everyone is straight unless told otherwise), to which Kris Holden-Ried (Dyson) said “I'm a lesbian” Big laugh. Yeah, that’s so funny…Then Zoie Palmer took a stab at it:

What was sort of integral to the writers and the concept of, certainly this dynamic [Bo and Lauren], was that it was done in a truthful, realized way, and that it wasn't about two chicks getting it on, it was really about a relationship between two people. And I think what's so cool about this show is that it's never really talked about. We never talk about Lauren's sexuality and what she is ...For all we know she could end up with a guy next season. It's assumed she's gay, obviously, but...what I love so much about playing it is that it's never kind of an issue...It just is what it is...They're people who love each other.

Said like a true straight lady. OK, don't get me wrong, Zoie Palmer, you had me at “Please...come with me.” and I would totally have your lady-babies, but woah, seriously? Lauren could end up with a...what? Maybe you were thinking that Lauren was just taken in by Bo's Succubusty charms, but she liked her before ever getting Succutouched, and then why isn't Kenzi and everyone else falling all over themselves to get their faces sucked off. Yeah, I don't buy it. And while I can see that as an actor it would be easier to play an action, (in this case some sweet Doccubus love) than a trait (Like, how do you play “gay”. Which reminds me, can people please stop casting Julianne Moore as a lesbian? Thanks.), but sometimes people are just gay! Trust me. I've done a lot of practical research in this area. And, Grandma, if you're reading this: When you're gay, even when you meet a guy who's the bees knees, it ain't gonna happen. True love will not be in the cards. I'm sure many of you have had your own “Yep, I'm gay” moment. Or maybe for you it was a “Yep, I'm Straight” moment. Or maybe you straddled the fence but found no clarity--more power to you. And if you never even tried...I'm sorry.

So, unless, of course, one wants to make the case that not only is this a world where frost giants and furies roam the earth, but where everyone is a Kinsey 3, then, as soon as Dyson starts macking on dudes, you can have Lauren. But until that happens, Writers of Lost Girl, I beseech you, Can Lauren please JUST BE GAY? This may be too of a preemptive screed, but I just want to put this out there now to save myself the effort of having to throw virtual tomatoes at Canada at some point in the future. (Come on Canada, you have gay marriage fer crying out loud; throw us a bone!)

Also during this panel Anna Silk and Zoie Palmer alluded to the effort they had put in to creating a relationship that could stand up to Bo’s on-again-off-again relationship with wolf-shifter Dyson, but lately, I’m not seeing it. (How can you compete with fireworks-in-the-mouth wolf action?) And certainly not with the way the writers are writing the story and the way Anna Silk is playing it. Zoie Palmer’s playing for keeps, but Bo doesn’t even seem that into Lauren. She hasn’t even fed off Lauren once. (If you’re not familiar with the show…they do that. It’s cool. She doesn’t kill people…anymore.) So, that can’t be very satisfying. I wouldn’t even be so invested in Lauren being with Bo except for the fact that whoever ends up with Bo is going to get more screen time. (Just ask Kris Holden-Ried). But Lauren deserves better. I say, give her her own show! It could be like Body of Proof Fae-style. Lauren needs more screen time, not less.

According to a GLAAD report, less than 3% of scripted-series regulars are LGBT, and although that is a paltry number, relatively speaking, bi-sexual women abound. My very unscientific estimate is that there is ONE regular lesbian character on scripted network television. That would be Arizona Robbins on Grey's Anatomy. The rest of the ladies who love ladies also love them some stubble-faced men-folk. I think we all know, without employing the Pew Research Center, that women are perceived as having a more fluid sexuality than men, and are, hence, more available to said un-fluid men. (Which I’m sure accounts for the way the mass media decks are stacked.) And while that might be true, I don’t see EVERY straight women on television having occasional relations with other women (unless it’s sweeps), so I think TPTB should also respect the sexuality of women who love women and are past the coming-out story, they’re done experimenting, and yeah, like Ms. Palmer said, there doesn’t need to be a big discussion about it, they’re just…gay.